If you push somebody to agree with you, they will always run the opposite way. Offer them the room to make their own decision instead.
This article is inspired by The Illusion of Choice. A book written by Richard Shotton about cognitive biases in marketing and everyday life. Read another article from this series.
Imagine…
You’re going home from work. It’s a lovely day. You decided to treat yourself to a visit to a natural history museum. It’s almost closing hours; the place is almost empty.
Perfect opportunity to chill. You put on your headphones, play your favourites on Spotify and wander around. You’re admiring the exhibit of a grizzly bear when somebody pokes your arm so hard you make a step aside.
You take off your headphones and turn around to discover the reddish face of a museum guard.
“I’ve been yelling at you for the good 5 minutes, for god sake!” He yells at you. “God damn young generation and their tech!“
You stand there, frozen. What’s wrong? You don’t know.
“I wanted to warn you,” the guard continues, “DO NOT TOUCH the exhibits!” He points a finger at you.
Confused and humiliated, you nod your head.
“Who does he think I am? Do I look like somebody who has to be watched?” You complain for another minute. Then reach out your hand and... pet the bear.
Why did you touch the exhibit?
A. The bear looked so fluffy!
B. There was dust you wanted to clean off the bear's paw.
C. Because you were told not to.
As usual, you don’t have to respond now. Let me share some experiments that
will help you find your answer.
If you yell at them, they won’t listen
In 1976, James Pennebaker and Deborah Yates from the University of Texas placed two types of signs in men's toilets.
The first one said: “Please do not write on the walls.” The second one said: “Do NOT write on the walls.”
The researchers rotated the signs every two hours. At the end of every two-hour shift, they counted the amount of new graffiti on the walls.
They discovered that they were, on average, twice as much new graffiti when the more assertive sign was present.
Jack Brehm summed this behaviour up as follows. If people feel their autonomy is threatened, they often react by reasserting their freedom. In other words:
If you push somebody to do something, they will rebel and do nothing or exactly the opposite to regain their autonomy.
We all are in constant power play with others. The rules are simple. You get back exactly what you give.
If you show others respect and ask about their opinion and feelings, they’ll probably respond similarly and do what you ask them to do.
If you demand respect by forcing others to act a certain way? They will most probably rebel and disrespect you like you disrespected them.
In conclusion, do you want people to change their behaviour? Watch your tone.
Authority matters
Let’s look into the next part of Pennebaker’s men's toilet experiment. This time, he did not change the messaging but the communicator.
Half of the messaging was signed by a high-authority persona, the chief of the police.
The other half was signed by a low-authority figure, a university groundsperson.
Pennebaker found out that there was twice as much new graffiti when the high-authority person asked people not to create them.
What does it mean? People feel more empathy and respect towards a person with the same or similar social status. Somebody who’s closer to them and their everyday struggles.
Marketers, when you want your customers to do something, let one of your lower or middle-position colleagues tell them. It's better than involving your CEO.
The closer you are,
the more sensitive they will be
towards your tone
People are not willing to accept assertivity from people closer to them. Imagine your friend nudging you in the museum and telling you to “NOT TOUCH THE EXHIBIT.”
I would say you’ll send them to seven hells. But from a watch person, you accept it without comments.
The closer people are to the other person, brand, or company, the bigger of a perceived threat is the assertive language to their freedom.
Let’s support this statement with an experiment. In 2017, Gavan Fitzsimons from Duke University asked 162 participants to choose a clothing brand. Half of the participants were supposed to choose a brand they love and feel loyal to. The other half were asked to choose a brand they felt no strong feelings towards.
Then Fitzsimons divided every group into halves again. Each half received a different ad from their selected brand.
The first, less pushy messaging stated: “Winter Collection 2012.”
The second, more assertive one was saying: “Winter Collection 2012. Buy Now!”
The researchers asked all participants whether the ad they saw was likeable or not.
According to the results, committed and loyal customers liked the non-assertive ad by 20% more than the assertive one. In the non-committed group, there wasn’t a significant difference in preference.
How to prevent the rebellion
Do you want people to follow your advice, orders or guidelines without rebellion? I’ll share three approaches that will help you with that.
Tell them that they are free to refuse you
In 2000, Nicolas Guéguen from South Brittany University and Alexandre Pascual from the University of Bordeaux approached 80 strangers and asked for spare change so they could take a bus.
To half of the people, they said: “Sorry, would you lend me some coins so I can take the bus, please?”
To the other half, they said:“ Sorry, would you lend me some coins so I can take the bus, please? But you are free to accept or to refuse.”
And the results? When participants were asked bluntly, only 10% of them offered Guéguen and his team money. But when they offered them the freedom to refuse him, 48% of people were ready to contribute to his bus ticket.
Not only that, people from the less pushy second group even offered Guéguen more money on average.
How to apply this experiment to your life? Leave the final decision to people, and they will be more satisfied and happy to say yes.
Let them help you decide
People are more happy to cooperate when they feel in control. It's that simple.
– Do you want to prevent people bitching about your new campaign, ask them to help you create the rules.
– Do you want to prevent your children from neglecting their chores? Ask them to help you set up a chore chart.
– Do you want to prevent your colleagues from hating the Christmas event? Ask them to help you co-create the whole thing.
(Of course, in all cases, people are free to decline, but then they can’t complain about the result, can they?)
Tell them it’s a done deal
People will always discuss everything that is up for discussion. If you share with your colleagues that the Christmas party theme is “Frozen”, but it’s still up for discussion? They will discuss. If you say that “Frozen is chosen”, people will be more up for following your orders.
In 2012, Kristin Laurin and Aaron Kay from the University of Waterloo and Gavan Fitzsimons from Duke University conducted an experiment to support this idea.
They split the participants into three groups and told each group a different story.
– The first (control) group was told that lower speed limits in cities improve safety.
– The second group was told that lower speed limits in cities improve safety, and the government has decided to reduce the speed limit.
– The third group received the information that lower speed limits in cities improve safety. The government will reduce the speed limit if the majority votes in favour of that decision, which is probable.
After that, researchers asked participants how likely they were to support the legislation. And additionally, how much they would be annoyed by it.
And the results? People from the second, definitive group were the most supportive.
I know it's difficult to let people decide when you want them to do something, but it appears that offering them space and certainty is the best you can do.
Stay gentle.
Correct answer: C. Because you were told not to.
Source: Richard Shotton | The Illusion of Choice
Read more: Don’t ask them. Test them
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